Sri Vyasa Puja 1985
Daso asmi, Chapter 2
Dearest Srila Prabhupada
Please accept my most humble obeisances in the dust of your divine lotus feet. All glories to you!
Srila Prabhupada, on this most auspicious occasion of the celebration of your appearance in this world I am intensely feeling separation from you, remembering the kindness and compassion upon this fallen and conditioned soul. In the summer of 1970 you appeared before me through your disciples, preaching your eternal message of devotional service to the Lord. From that very moment I did not doubt you, though I remember many foolish students turned away from your words on that hot summer day upon the grass of the university campus. Actually I cannot even remember seeing them go as I was transfixed upon your clear and lucid message that cut through all the illusion into which I was deeply embedded. In my confused existence your words offered hope and light, as I gazed in amazement upon your disciples who radiated such purity and life from your divine association. When you appeared before me that day, I found it very easy to give up whatever little I had to be attached to; those first special moments made everything else appear dry and lifeless. Though I was previously dragging myself through this material existence, I suddenly felt I could run after you! And now through these last fifteen years I’ve continues to run (although I’ve often stumbled) as you have swept me up in the ecstasy of your devotional service to the Lord.
Actually all these years have passed as moments, giving me an understanding of the eternality of the soul. My youth seems like yesterday, though I know I’ve grown much older. When I was younger this body promised so much and was full of strength and power! But yes, your words have proved so true; it’s failing me even now, before I pass the crossroads at the middle of my life. Its glory has already faded, leaving me the stark remembrance that everything which you have said will come to pass. Some foolish nonsense presumed that life begins at forty; myself I simply hear the chilling winds of the autumn of my life just around the corner, and I lose my faith in this material existence and resolve myself to completely surrender unto you. Your instructions are my life, not this useless body which I watch in amazement fall apart before me. Yet by your grace so many other worthless things seem to fall along beside it! See all the foolish fallible soldiers stricken by your mace of transcendental knowledge…useless attachments that once also seemed so real! Now the false hopes and promises of wealth, honour, fame and women all appear dead and lifeless as I stand before you today. I see only the real life of service unto you, which always seems to make me younger than yesterday; like you, who always appeared to me with fresh countenance of an eternal youth. What is this miracle of devotional service! I want to give up once and for all my attachments to this world of birth and death!
O Srila Prabhupada, give me the sword of your transcendental might and help me cut forever my bondage to illusion. Help me cast off the final ropes of attachment that keep me bound from freely serving you. Bless me with the power to take up your mission within this world, wielding your heavy mace of transcendental knowledge. Allow me to preach forcefully using the sharp edge of detachment from anything which is not meaningful to your service. Make good my formal renouncement of this world and bless me with the qualities of those who serve you purely. I really do want to be finished with this business of chewing the chewed. I gradually feel the strong purgative of the sannyasa order freeing me from the waste of material life. I want to offer you the gift today that I do feel I have grown in devotional service throughout the years. I would like you to think that you could be proud of me despite my foolish attempts to serve you as I do. I want to work hard for you throughout my entire life, spreading you sankirtana movement all over the world. Doing so, I will keep your instructions as my life and soul and I will gain inspiration remembering the chosen moments that I spent close to you. Such previous times, walking and talking together on the way to the plane in 1972, in your room at Bury Place Temple when you slapped me on the back in firm appreciation, and in Paris when you patted me on the head, cut the hard knot of my attraction to this world and left me forever indebted to you. I will always try to serve you well, Srila Prabhupada, in the sweet expectation that someday, somewhere, I will have the chance to see you again as I did in the infancy of my spiritual life. Now in your absence sometimes I dream of sitting with you again, like before, in the trance of watching you play your kartalas from your vyasasana in the special way you did, seeing you open your transcendental eyes, moist with tears of Krsna-prema, momentarily studying your audience in your ecstasy of chanting the holy names of the Lord, “Jaya Radha Madhava Kunja Bihari.” We could see you were there, in the groves of Vrndavana, and that we were here, foolishly attached to this material world.
O Srila Prabhupada, I want to go with you there! Or anywhere in the three worlds where your preaching is going on. My only request is that you keep me with you always in your service to the Lord. You once told me that things are very difficult in this material world but that when I go back to Godhead everything will be very easy. So please, I depend upon you! Take me there! I’ll try my best to always be your humble and submissive servant and do everything you ask. And I pray, the next time you gaze out at us sitting at your feet, you won’t see this bumbling, stumbling disciple of yours nodding off to sleep, but a matured devotee, alert to every word and seasoned by many years of dedicated service unto you, ready to give this and every other life I lead in the service of Your Divine Grace. O Srila Prabhupada, I look forward to seeing you again, and next time it will be especially sweet coming from the field of service as I will, having carried out your orders and purchased my ticket back home.
Your aspiring servant
President of New Mayapur
Views: 524 • July 30, 2009 • Daso asmi