Introduction
Vraja Lila
On October 13, 1994, my dear disciple 19-year-old Vraja Lila Dasi left her body in Sri Vrndavana-dhama. By the mercy of Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krsna I was by her side, along with many other Vaisnavas, chanting the holy names.
One year before, while suffering from leukemia, she had gone to Vrndavana assisted by her god sister Gandharvka Giridhari dasi, to prepare for her inevitable departure. Vrndavana is the perfect place to live and the perfect place to die. Srila Prabhupada writes:
“One must go to the Vrndavana forest and take shelter of Govinda. That will make one happy. The International Society for Krishna Consciousness is therefore constructing a Krsna-Balarama temple to invite its members as well as outsiders to come and live peacefully in a spiritual atmosphere. That will help one become elevated to the transcendental world and return home, back to Godhead.’’ (Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.13.8 purport)
Vraja Lila took shelter of Vrndavana in this mood. As she told Gandharvka Giridhari several months before her departure, “Some devotees are praying to be able to distribute books, some are praying to be good cooks and still others to be nice pujaris; but now at the end of my life I am begging to become intensely attached to Krsna.” She strived for that attachment through humble service and sincere prayer. Thus, when I arrived in Vrndavana at her request on the last day of her life, her Krsna consciousness amazed me. She had developed so much faith in her spiritual master and Krsna.
yasya deve para bhaktir
yatha-deve thata gurau
tasyaite kathita hy arthah
prakasante mahatmanah
“Only unto one who has unflinching devotion to the Lord and to the spiritual master does transcendental knowledge become automatically revealed.”
(Svetasvatara Upanisad 6.38)
I am feeling deep separation from Vraja Lila Dasi. Her faith and love in me as her spiritual master awoke my love and appreciation for her as my disciple. Through our interactions, especially during the last days of her life, my understanding of the wonderful reciprocation that exists between guru and disciple deepened a thousand fold.
This book was originally intended only for my disciples. But after reflecting on the many realizations that I have gained from Vraja Lila‘s departure, I now want to share them with all devotees.
I have included the memories and realizations of other devotees, who were involved with her departure as well, most notably my disciple Gandharvka Giridhari dasi. Because it is only natural that the disciple will glorify the spiritual master, I ask the reader to overlook the passages where I am praised and focus on the main personality in this book, Vraja Lila Dasi, whose example at the moment of death all of us may follow.
Several god brothers and god sisters have also glorified me within this work. It is certainly against the principle of Vaisnavas humility for a devotee to publish such statements about himself. However, I am forced to do so in order not to omit the reciprocation of loving feelings which played such a major role in the departure of Vraja Lila Dasi. I can assure the reader that I don’t feel worthy of the kind statements expressed about me, but rather see them as goals to achieve within many lifetimes.
Indradyumna Swami
Warsaw, Poland
October 24, 1994
The disappearance day of
Srila Narottama dasa takura