The Final Hours

Vraja Lila, Chapter 14

Indradyumna Swami: After these questions, she asked if she could sleep a little. I led a very soft kirtana, and she dozed off. That was about 1.30 p.m. Most devotees left the room at that time, and there were only three or four of us left. At 2:00 p.m. she woke up and looked over at me. She made an expression that indicated to me she wanted my encouragement. I nodded my head in such a way as to let her know that everything was all right. Then she put her head back on the pillow, and Gandharvka Giridhari attempted to give her a little sweet milk from a spoon. Gandharvika looked startled when she was unable to get the milk into Vraja Lila’s mouth. Vraja Lila’s jaw had locked up. Gandharvika looked at me and said, “Srila Gurudeva, this is not a good sign. I think she’s going to leave her body very soon.”

I immediately went to the bed and began chanting Hare Krsna into her ear. Gandharvika was chanting into her other ear. Manasi Ganga sat on the bed directly in front of Vraja Lila, and Gandharvika gave her two big photos of Radha-Syamasundara to hold in front of Vraja’s face. Other devotees started to arrive in the room and joined in as I led the kirtana. Suddenly I noticed that Vraja Lila’s breathing was becoming very quick, a sure sign that death was fast approaching. The kirtana became more intense. I continued encouraging her, “Vraja, listen to the chanting. Don’t be afraid. Don’t panic. I’m here. Just fix your mind on the lotus feet of Krsna. Chant His holy names!” Then Vraja began chanting. Once in a while she would be seized by fear due to the traumatic nature of the moment, and I would call her back, “Vraja, come on! Chant the holy names! All glories to Prabhupada! All glories to Radha-Syamasundara! Hare Krsna!” Then she would lose her fear and again start chanting. At one point, Gandharvika reached over to the little altar next to the bed and grasped Vraja Lila’s Govardhana-Lila. She held Lord Giriraja right in front of Vraja’s face, and Vraja looked at Him intensely with wide eyes. She would look alternately between her Govardhana-Lila and the pictures of Radha-Syamasundara. Sometimes she would reach out and touch the pictures.

After an hour and a half I was exhausted, but I knew there was no question of stopping. The kirtana got louder and more intense. Vraja’s breathing remained fast and quick. Suddenly all of us could tell that she was going to leave at any second. By that time there were about twenty-five devotees in the room and, the kirtana became one unified sound, “Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna…” Someone handed me a bottle of Radha-kunda water, and I put some on her head. Then all of a sudden, for a few moments, Vraja Lila stopped breathing. I kept chanting the maha-mantra. While looking at the pictures of Radha-Syamasundara, she took four more deep breaths … and was gone. At that same moment, Gandharvika fainted and was caught in the arms of one of the devotees while falling to the ground.

The kirtana continued as we checked her pulse and I closed her eyelids. At that moment everyone broke down and cried. We cried in happiness that she’d left in such auspicious circumstances—but mainly we cried with the stark reality that she was no longer present. Suddenly the object of all our love and devotion that day, Vraja Lila Dasi, had gone.


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