Memories and Realizations
Vraja Lila, Chapter 16
His Holiness Tamal Krishna Goswami
Today I have seen how much love a spiritual master may have for his disciples. Although Indradyumna Swami is one of the most active preachers in our society, still he came here for two days to be with Vraja Lila. Actually, when I inquired this morning from Kartida, Vraja Lila’s nurse, she told me that Vraja Lila might possibly last another week. I said that she knows her Guru Maharaja will be here for only one or two days, so I think everything was arranged by Krsna in such a perfect way.
How fortunate and elevated this girl is, that she had her Guru Maharaja sitting by her side at death, giving her instructions and constantly chanting for her! When we think about this, we remember how Haridasa Thakura passed away. Haridasa Thakura wanted to see the lotus feet of his beloved Lord, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, and pass away in His presence. The very same thing has happened here today.
Indradyumna Maharaja came here to instruct her and to chant for her, and then very peacefully, without having to experience any unnecessary pain or difficulty, in his association she passed away. Now she can bless all of us. She was praying for our blessings, but I think her achievement and her destination places her in a position where we can pray to her for her blessings.
Although some of us begin as gurus for our disciples, it seems that these disciples are more fortunate than we are. They get the right names, and they leave in the right situations. Actually many of them are elevated personalities.
When Srila Prabhupada was getting ready to leave his body he saw that we were very unhappy, but he kept reminding us there was nothing to lament for. Whether a Vaisnava comes into this world or leaves this world, it is the same. We should understand that this girl is a great Vaisnavi. From what I know, and others can say, she endeared herself so much to so many devotees in Vrndavana. Devotees in Vrndavana are not ordinary, and for someone to do that means they have a very soft devotional heart.
Other devotees here will speak, and at some point I’d like to hear Indradyumna Maharaja lead a very big kirtana so I can remember Lord Caitanya holding Haridasa Thakura and chanting the holy names. The situation here is very similar. Vraja Lila’s Guru Maharaja is a most wonderful kirtaniya, and we should have such a kirtana that it will immediately uplift all our spirits and enable us to understand that there is nothing lamentable on this glorious occasion. We are to be pitied because we are sitting here—at least I am, with all of my anarthas. But here is a girl who achieved such a perfect departure.
His Holiness Giriraja Swami
The first time I met Vraja Lila was when she came to visit Arca Vigraha dasi. I could see they had a sweet relationship. After Arca Vigraha passed away, Vraja Lila came back to ask me some questions. Her questions were so elevated and so sincere that I could understand she was a very special devotee.
When I came back from Bombay, I was thinking of her strongly and felt that I must go and see her again. Just as I was thinking this, Kunti devi came and said Vraja Lila was asking for me. But I couldn’t go at that moment, so I recorded a message and sent it to her. Then I visited her a few hours later.
She was still in good consciousness and could see, hear and speak without much difficulty. We had kirtana, and I spoke some Krsna-katha, and she asked me some questions afterwards. Then she came to the point of her impending departure and requested that I give her the same mercy I had given to Arca Vigraha. I said, “What do you mean?” She replied that she wanted the confidence that she would be successful at the time of death. I spoke some words to her, and at the end she said, “Thank you very much. My doubt is removed.”
The next morning, Kunti devi came to see me again and said she felt that although everything was auspicious for Vraja Lila, something was not quite right with her. She felt Vraja Lila was missing her Guru Maharaja, Indradyumna Swami, and we should ask him to come. I suggested she contact him. It was Indradyumna Maharaja’s own inner spirit and Vraja Lila’s own pure devotion that brought him here.
The purpose for which he came and the purpose for which she wanted him to come were fulfilled in a very short time. I feel that the event was completely auspicious. She was, and is, a wonderful devotee. Through our association with her in these last days, as brief as it may have been, we have learnt many things. We are indebted to her, and we hope she will look over us kindly and help us in our own attempts to become Krsna conscious.
I feel that because her Guru Maharaja is such a perfect representative of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, it is extremely appropriate and glorious that she should pass away in his presence. Hare Krsna.
His Holiness Indradyumna Swami
When Srila Prabhupada arrived at our temple in Paris in 1973 and sat on the vyasasana, the first thing he did was thank all of us, his disciples, for all the service we had done. At that time I felt very awkward that my spiritual master was inspired by my devotional service and was thanking me for it.
Now, many years later, by his mercy I understand why he felt like that, because I am also feeling very indebted to my disciple, Vraja Lila Dasi, for teaching me so many things today. In particular she has shown me how much love the disciple can have for the spiritual master. I pray to love Srila Prabhupada as much as she loves me. Her love was so powerful that it dragged me thousands of miles across the oceans and deserts to Sri Vrndavana- dhama to help her leave her body.
A few days ago, I was sitting in an apartment in a tiny village somewhere in the south of Poland when the telephone rang. It was my disciple Manasi Ganga dasi. My first reaction was “How did she get this telephone number?” I used that apartment two years ago and had come there for only five minutes that day. And suddenly I was getting a phone call from Manasi Ganga in India.She said, “Srila Gurudeva, Vraja Lila is very, very ill and she may pass away at any moment. Please come to Vrndavana to help her.”
I hesitated to go immediately, because I knew that Vraja had been through leukemia crises before. Several years ago she had a crisis in Russia and had pulled out of it. I wasn’t sure if she would actually leave this time. I was apprehensive about leaving Poland because we were in the middle of a major festival tour. We were holding three festivals a week with more than five hundred people attending each time. I was torn between going to Vrndavana for the possible departure of Vraja Lila and staying and continuing with my service.
I was thinking the only way I could solve the dilemma of whether or not to go to Vrndavana was to ask a godbrother to help me. That evening, my secretary, Nrsimha Kavaca dasa, checked his telephone answering service and picked up a faint message from Kunti devi in India. She was also insisting I come to Vrndavana because Vraja Lila was getting worse. Then she mentioned that Giriraja Maharaja also felt strongly that I should come.I immediately telephoned Giriraja Maharaja in Vrndavana and discussed the matter with him. We agreed that I should come, but I explained that I couldn’t stay away from my service for long. I was in anxiety that if I came to Vrndavana and Vraja Lila didn’t depart within the two or three days I was there, then she would be devastated when I had to leave. I asked him, “Considering this, is it better to go or stay?”I requested him to discuss the matter with Tamal Krishna Maharaja and said that I would accept their answer. The next day Gandharvka Giridhari called me with their reply, “No one can answer your question. No one.”
This was their answer. But they were very intelligent, because they gave this message through Gandharvka Giridhari and Vaisnavi. When these two disciples got on the phone, they pleaded with me to come. I finally agreed.
But I was still in anxiety about leaving the festival tour. So I went into the temple room and prayed to Srila Prabhupada, “Srila Prabhupada, please give me an indication that what I’m doing is right.”
Forty-five minutes later Nrsimha Kavaca dasa came running into my room. He said, “Srila Gurudeva, B. B. Govinda Maharaja wants you to contact him urgently in Russia. He’s left his telephone number.” I reached for the phone, dialed and was surprised to get through on the first try. Sometimes it takes days to get through to Russia. Govinda Maharaja came on the line and said, “Indradyumna Swami, you must go to Vrndavana immediately. Vraja Lila is about to leave her body.” I said, “Maharaja, its Srila Prabhupada’s mercy you contacted me. I’m on my way. Thank you very much.’’
Through Vraja Lila’s departure I have experienced how deep the guru-disciple relationship can be. Just a few hours before she passed away she was asking such nice questions. As I gave the answers I was thinking this is like Lord Caitanya inquiring from Ramananda Raya. Lord Caitanya knows the answers, but He is eliciting them from Ramananda Raya and enjoying hearing him glorify Krsna. As I was answering Vraja Lila’s questions I felt she knew the answers but she was giving me the chance to glorify Srila Prabhupada and Krsna.
In the Srimad-Bhagavatam, in the chapter describing the glories of Dhruva Maharaja, Srila Prabhupada explains that one of Dhruva Maharaja’s gurus was his mother, because she was the one who directed him to go to the forest to find God. Eventually Dhruva Maharaja became fully Krsna conscious. As he was going back to Godhead in a Vaikuntha airplane he remembered, “Oh, my mother, Suniti! Where is she? I don’t want to go back without her.” The Lord answered his prayers, and soon Dhruva saw that she was also going back to Godhead in a Vaikuntha airplane.
In his purports to this pastime, Srila Prabhupada says that sometimes the disciple can actually deliver the guru. So I am praying to Vraja Lila to please continue to shower her mercy upon me as my wonderful Krsna conscious disciple.
I would also like to express my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to another very dear disciple of mine, Gandharvka Giridhari dasi, who took care of Vraja Lila for two years. I entrusted Vraja Lila to her and she carried out this service perfectly. I know it will be difficult for her to bear the separation of Vraja Lila. All of us will experience separation, but I think this will be especially true for Gandharvika. She and Vraja were like one body.