Vraja Lila
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On October 13, 1994, my dear disciple 19-year-old Vraja Lila dasi left her body in Sri Vrndavan-dhama. By the mercy of Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krsna I was by her side, along with many other Vaisnavas, chanting the holy names.
One year before, while suffering from leukemia, she had gone to Vrndavana assisted by her godsister Gandharvika Giridhari dasi, to prepare for her inevitable departure. Vrndavana is the perfect place to live and the perfect place to die. Srila Prabhupada writes:
“One must go to the Vrndavana forest and take shelter of Govinda. That will make one happy. The International Society for Krishna Consciousness is therefore constructing a Krsna-Balarama temple to invite its members as well as outsiders to come and live peacefully in a spiritual atmosphere. That will help one become elevated to the transcendental world and return home, back to Godhead.’’ (Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.13.8 purport)
Vraja Lila took shelter of Vrndavana in this mood. As she told Gandharvika Giridhari several months before her departure, “Some devotees are praying to be able to distribute books, some are praying to be good cooks and still others to be nice pujaris; but now at the end of my life I am begging to become intensely attached to Krsna.” She strived for that attachment through humble service and sincere prayer. Thus, when I arrived in Vrndavana at her request on the last day of her life, her Krsnaa consciousness amazed me. She had developed so much faith in her spiritual master and Krsna.
yasya deve para bhaktir
yatha-deve thata gurau
tasyaite kathita hy artha
prakasante mahatmanah
“Only unto one who has unflinching devotion to the Lord and to the spiritual master does transcendental knowledge become automatically revealed.” (Svetasvatara Upanisad 6.38) I am feeling deep separation from Vraja Lila dasi. Her faith and love in me as her spiritual master awoke my love and appreciation for her as my disciple. Through our interactions, especially during the last days of her life, my understanding of the wonderful reciprocation that exists between guru and disciple deepened a thousand fold.
This book was originally intended only for my disciples. But after reflecting on the many realizations that I have gained from Vraja Lila‘s departure, I now want to share them with all devotees.
(His Holiness Indradyumna Swami)